Setting up therapy for someone else

One of the worst parts of feeling depressed or anxious or grieving is that it’s really hard to do stuff. When you’re not feeling well or like yourself, everything is a chore. Finding a therapist to help you may feel like the last task you could possibly manage. Sometimes, enlisting the help of a trusted friend or family member to do the leg work is exactly what’s needed to get you connected with someone who can help.

At least a third of my referrals come from the friend/adult child/partner of the potential client. I’m grateful when clients have that kind of support and are open to using it. That being said, would this be a blog post if I didn’t add a huge caveat??

Occasionally—though not always—the friend or family member in question wants the client to have a therapist more than the client does. The client may be willing to call me themselves or even set up an initial visit, but their heart really isn’t in it. Sometimes it’s because they honestly don’t need to talk to a therapist; their loved ones are trying to help (or trying to manage their own anxiety) and they want to check the box of THERAPY. This is most often the case with adult children, who have a totally different experience and understanding of therapy than their parents. There’s much less stigma around mental health support for younger generations, which is wonderful! It also can lead people to think that everyone needs a therapist at some point and that just isn’t always the case.

Another good indication that therapy isn’t going to work out when someone besides the client has suggested or arranged it is because said client simply isn’t ready. As I’ve written before, therapy is work. If you aren’t ready to dive deep into some stuff, or being emotionally vulnerable sounds horrific to you, you probably won’t benefit from therapy at this moment. Which is ok! You wouldn’t take an antibiotic if you weren’t sick; you don’t need to go to therapy if you aren’t ready to explore or make a change.

All of that being said—caveat upon caveat!—if someone you love wants you to see a therapist, they usually have a good reason. You may want to give the therapist a call, just to see what they say. Sometimes we need a little push in the right direction. And if it doesn’t work out or you don’t like the therapist or whatever, you don’t have to go back. It’s your choice, even if someone else is doing the administrative work for you.